Shhhh… You Don't Know Me

May 28, 2010

Mirrors and Mindgames

Filed under: Journey — Shhhh @ 10:18 pm

Oh the mindgames we play with ourselves!

I stepped on the scale today, expecting a number in the 170s.  Why?  Because I could see that weight I’ve put on in the mirror.  I could see the extra tire around the middle that is creeping back.  I can feel the weight in my extra chin coming back.
I’ve not been in a great place, mentally, when it comes to my weight, what with the limitations to my activity because of my hip.  I’ve spent the last four weeks avoiding the scale.  Four weeks.  I have not gone that long without weighing myself since I was over 200 lbs.

So this morning I bit the bullet and jumped on.  158 it told me.  No!  I stepped off, reset it, and stepped back on.  158 it told me again, this time with a faint “didn’t I say that already” behind it.

What?  How is that possible?  I am at the SAME weight I was four weeks ago?  The same weight I’ve been for over six months?  I’ve maintained?  Or gained then lost?  But but but… what about those extra chins I see?  What about the extra tire?  What about the extra 20 pounds I can see in the mirror. 

So off I trundle, back to the mirror.  Nope, I look actually pretty good.  In fact, I look pretty great!

WTF, man!!  What the hell is going on in my brain that I can do that to myself??  How does one see two different things in the mirror only because of a number on the scale, or a PERCEIVED number on the scale (when one is truly afraid to stand on it but KNOWS what it’s going to say).

Soooo, what have I learned?  1).  Don’t trust the mirror.  2).  Eating clean foods the majority of the time will keep you where you want to be.  3).  I rock.

What games are going on in YOUR head?



  1. A thought provoking post. I guess being fat and feeling fat are not the same things. Which reminds me that my self confidence is something I do need to work on! Well done for not gaining!

    Comment by Christie — May 28, 2010 @ 10:33 pm | Reply

    • Absolutely not the same thing, are they.

      Comment by Shhhh — May 30, 2010 @ 9:06 pm | Reply

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