Shhhh… You Don't Know Me

March 11, 2010

Letter I left for Hubby…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shhhh @ 1:31 am

I’m still really upset with you, and I’m not sure how to get over it.

I thought I was having a heart attack, and you just hugged me and said good luck, then went to bed.  I had to call my sister to drive me to the hospital, because the pains were so bad.  Did you care?  Yes.  Did you care enough to sacrifice your sleep?  No.  You couldn’t even sacrifice your sleep to take your wife to the hospital when she was scared she was in pain.  When she was scared she was going to die.

I don’t even know how to fix this.  It’s not like I can say “if you do ____ it’ll make everything okay” because there is no ________.  I needed you.  And you were not there for me.  There is nothing you can say to fix that.  It just is.

I guess I am having such a hard time with it because I struggle to allow myself to be vulnerable.  I have my philosophy that “everyone leaves” and that I can only rely on myself and my closest.  Before Sunday, my closest, the only ones I truly felt I could rely on were you and Sam.  And now not you.  I don’t feel that you will take care of me when I need you, because dammit, I needed you.  You asked me what I was doing, and when I said “I need to go to the hospital” you said good luck and went to bed.  I needed you.  I was scared. I was in pain. And then I was alone.  And then I had Sam.  When I should have had my husband, I had to call my sister.

I guess it will just take some time to get over.  But I felt like you should know that I’m really struggling with this right now. Really struggling hard.  And I hate it.

You don’t have to talk to me about this.  There’s nothing you can say. You said it all when you went to bed on Sunday.


1 Comment »

  1. wow. I’m really sorry that happened. could he just have inappropriate reactions to stress? some people aren’t good in emergency situations…. maybe??

    Comment by fatinah — March 13, 2010 @ 5:31 pm | Reply

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